“Interview with the AIDS Monster,” a Randy Boyd Blocks exclusive, continues as part of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, a blog special celebrating Halloween 2008. Now, more of the interview:
Randy Boyd, author: So in essence, Count, are you saying kids are better off if, on some level, they learn about love and sex in the same way they learn about other activities best experienced as responsible adults, like driving?
Count Randolpho de St. Mark Boyd, actor: Like driving, like thriving in the workforce, going to a social gathering, like managing your finances responsibly, and on and on to the break of Dawn of the Disease-Ridden. Sorry, had to plug one of my classics. Now available on Craigslist! It’s paired as a double feature with Battle of the Neg People. Oh, how I loved it when the AIDS Monster Movie series added a new enemy.
Q: You actually liked the clean and disease-free Neg People? Out to destroy all Poz People? Or at least, keep them away from starring in Neg People’s Great Bareback Adventures. Why were they a good thing for the AIDS Monster?
A: Ah, those were the golden years for AIDS. Just when you thought the virus had played out and the AIDS Monster was a thing of the past, the new generation came out to the party with a whole new band of heroes bent on destroying the ugly beast, little ol’ me.
Q: The Neg People were a tough adversary, granted, but they were created well after the original AIDS Panic of 1981-1996.
A: Thing is, they don’t have to be adversaries. Ain’t that crazy? Neg People can live with and make love to Poz People. You betcha! Neg People can have sex with Poz People. Trouble is, the majority of Neg People don’t know that. Many Neg People are like zombies, blindly stumbling through the dark and scary night, foolishly unaware of the fact that Neg People can co-exist sexually with Poz People, especially if both Neg People and Poz People arm themselves with knowledge about what is and isn’t safer sex. On top of that, they have an even better shot at great sex if they practice that safer sex until they get really, really good at it.
Q: Alas, it doesn’t always happen that way, Count Randolpho.
A: Because nobody is teaching kids how to operate their horny equipment responsibly, and thus kids fail to get the message that their horny equipment can get them killed.
Q: So what’s safe, Count?
A: Who am I, Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man? The AIDS Monster doesn’t have a photographic memory. Besides, don’t take my word for it. Or anyone else’s, for that matter. Google it. Listen to what reputable medical and scientific sites like the CDC have to say. Don’t take Rain Man’s or any one man’s word for it. By the way, young writer …
Q: Yes, Count Randolpho?
A: Don’t take anybody’s word for it. That’s a tip that works well with lovers and strangers when it comes to claims about one’s HIV status. If the AIDS Monster had a dead bat to eat for each time a young soul comes up to me on the street and says:
“He said was he clean and negative, Count Randolpho. I believed him and let him inside me, unprotected. Now … I’m an AIDS Monster just like you.”