“Interview with the AIDS Monster,” a Randy Boyd Blocks exclusive, continues as part of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, a special blog treat for Halloween 2008. Now, more of the interview:
Randy Boyd: Any other advice?
Randolpho: Don’t believe what you hear about safer sex in the AIDS Monster Movies. Those films are just figments of your imagination, an imagination that was fueled by ignorance, shame, guilt and a desire to suppress the truth.
Q: What truth is that, Count?
A: A truth so eloquently put in your wonderful, not-so-little novel.
Q: Walt Loves the Bearcat? (I know, shameless plug.)
A: Indeed. How did those boys put it? Let’s see, if I remember …
Q: It was—
A: I can pull it outta my ass myself, thank you very much. Another good rule to live by, by the way. Anyway. The truth goes like this: “Sex is what makes us humans.”
Q: Well said.
A: If you say so yourself. Now show the bigger memo where that quote appears.
Q: We don’t have time.
A: We got time, word guy.
Q: Not if you wanna get to your favorite monster movies, Pops.
A: Don’t call me Pops, kid. You got it twisted.
Q: We’re here to talk about kids today and the AIDS Monster Movies.
A: What do you think The Bearcat Boyz deals with? Horny boys in love. Duh! Like Oh … My … Gawd … Just show the memo from the book, what’s it called again, losing my mind here?
Q: Walt Loves the Bearcat.
A: That’s it. Play the memo from the chapter in Walt Loves the Bearcat called “The Bearcat Boyz.”
Universal Memo: Bearcat Boyz have balls and dicks, whatever names you wanna give them, and all the other body parts male men have, even tails. Call ’em what you want, we’ve got them and we think about them All The Time.
We also like using them, one way or another, and nothing you can say is gonna stop us now. Our hunch is … sex is what makes us humans. We’re just being as human as humanly possible.
We’re always open to better ways of dreaming about our hands, our minds, our tongues, our dicks, our balls, our asses, our love, but keep your garbage to yourselves if you plan on trashing the deepest dreams of our souls.
Bearcat Boyz don’t lie about having balls. This much is true.
We love our bodies, our minds, our souls and our sexual impulses. If we can’t talk about it, we can always act it out for you.
Q: Satisfied now?
A: Not yet but getting there.
Q: Hey, that’s a line from Walt Loves the Bearcat, a Lambda Literary Award finalist for Best Romance. Available wherever books are sold. Oh, wait, I hear the sound of our jpeg Halloween door creaking open … must be time for a different kind of AIDS Monster Movie Marathon Treat!