“Interview with the AIDS Monster,” a Randy Boyd Blocks exclusive, continues as part of the AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, a blog special celebrating Halloween 2008. Now, more of the interview:
Randy Boyd, aka Joe the Interviewer: So what’s next for the great Count Randolpho and the role that made him a household name? What’s Next for the AIDS Monster?
Count Randolpho, aka Joe the Legendary Old Actor: I understand I’m to appear in your next novel, as a matter of fact, speaking of shameless plugs.
Q: Oh, really? I did not realize the script called for a shameless plug right here …
A: He says rather coyly. Yes, really, creator o’ mine and o’ script. Maybe your conscious doesn’t know it yet, but you’ve booked me for your next big project, what’s it? Oh, yeah, your upcoming four-book series. I’m doing, oh, yeah, part 2, The Bearcat Boyz Exit to Tulsa. I must say, I play a rather handsome AIDS Monster in a Wild West kinda scene, do we have a still shot from the dailies?
Q: We’re not supposed to talk about The Bearcat Boyz, Books 1-4 during this interview.
A: The Bearcat Boyz, Books 1-4 hasn’t been official announced on your blog, the Count knows that. But hey, I saw a mention of it already on Outsports.com. That Jim and Cyd, man, those two cats are my heroes with what they’ve accomplished with that website.
Q: Fine, but let’s not talk about my Bearcat Boyz yet.
A: Too, late, the boyz at the best blessed homo jock website done scooped ya and nutted the Bearcat Boyz for you. Now it’s up to you to come though with this so-called revolutionary new story about two boys in love in high school.
Q: Yes, but—
A: What’s the harm in letting Blockheads know about the first book, what’s it called? The Bearcat Boyz do the Road, Hit the Road, On the Road, that’s it. Bearcat Boyz, Book 1.
Q: Excuse me, Count, but the official title is The Bearcat Boyz on the Road of Life, Bearcat Boyz, Book 1.
A: Good luck getting the instant text world to jump on that flying football stadium. No offense, but you realize you’re an unknown, pissant writer with a following of what, what’s it up to now, 2 or 3.
Q: I had five return visitors to my blog this week, thank you very much.
A: You talk a lot like me, you know that?
Q: Anyway, Count, gotta wrap up here.
A: What? Can’t I tell ’em about my upcoming appearance in The Bearcat Boyz Exit to Tulsa? I mean it is Bearcat Boyz Book 2, right?
Q: Yes, but—
A: I think it’s gonna be great, from what I’ve read of the script, I mean novel, I mean … anyway …
Q: Count Randolpho, could we please …
A: Settle down, Joe the Unknown Writer, I got a story to tell.
Q: Wrap it up, quick, Joe the Old Buzzard of a Hollywood Has-Been.
A: The AIDS Monster will be back in the stories of our dreams when one of the two boys in love in the Bearcat Boyz will turn out to be …. drum roll … one of the Poz People! Cue my evil laugh on the audio cart, I’m too old to do that kinda shit anymore.
Q: Are we done, Sir?
A: Wait, you were supposed to ask me about my all-time favorite AIDS Monster Movies.
Q: Oh, right, sorry.
A: Yeah, I bet you are.
Q: Unfortunately, we’ve run outta time here @ the Blocks.
A: Can it, conscious o’ mine. I came here to promote your shit and reminiscence about my glorious and lucrative career.
Q: Okay, but one last question before you start. Is it true you lost out for the role of Derek Mayfield, the black man with a big heart in Bridge Across the Ocean by well, by me?
A: Not done with the plugs, eh? That rumor is as false as the Republican party’s claims about Barack Obama being a socialist who pals around with terrorists. I was not available for that role in Bridge Across the Ocean, your heartwarming, feel-good AIDS story from 1988. It happens in an actor’s career, you know. I also wasn’t able to star in the hugely successful horror thriller Kaposi Killer. Now that was a tragedy, more or less, but I hear they might do a remake.
Q: Now we’ve really run outta time, Count. Halloween’s almost over for another year.
A: Like hell. Shocking twist! I’m here all Halloween Weekend, folks!
Q: Say what?
A: That’s right, Blocks fans, it’s an AIDS Monster Movie Marathon, after all, eh? Besides, I have it on good authority you’re gonna splice up my interview and run it in installments all weekend long, just like the networks do with their most precious and exclusive celebrity interviews.