Confederacy of hurt: what online profiles and the confederate flag have in common

A graphic originally posted on my blog in December, 2008.

Confederate flags. Whites-only signs. Public celebrations of people who treated blacks as bad as ISIS treats people in the Middle East. Celebrations of people who went to war against the United States to make slavery the permanent law of the land. All of that makes me uneasy. Quite frankly, I’m uneasy around anyone who wants to go to war with America. I live here! LOL

Confederate flags and whites-only signs are probably two of the most salient symbols of America at war with itself from day one—well, those and the images of the backs of black slaves, after having been lashed into shreds.

America was a nation born during mankind’s transition from a slavery-based economy to a more-humane-treatment-of-humans-based economy. The South has had an especially hard time inheriting the winds of progress. The more things changed, the more they wanted them to stay the same.

Confederate flags and whites-only signs have their place in history … in the Bigotry and Hatred wing of the American History Museum, to be precise.

More and more, the so-called “stars and bars” is fading to oblivion, with Mississippi the only legislative hold out. But then the flag rears its ugly self at Donald Trump presidential rallies and again at a “white lives matter” protest in Houston.

Why? Because like the whites-only signs, the Confederate flag was (and still is) a trending response to the civil rights and racial integration movements of the 1940s and 50s, those oh, so, happy days. (Not for a nigger in the south who wanted to get a drink of water or a break from seeing all those symbols of pure hate for his kind.)

All of which begs the question:

What symbols would they be displaying now, had the South actually won the Civil War? 

One could imagine magnitudes more confederate flag waving, whites-only signs and celebratory reverence for all things Old South.

Confederate fags: why gay is the new Old South

Whites and Latins OnlyAs it stands now, the only whites-only signs I’m forced to see are in my racist gay world, where gay men put up signs while cruising online, ones that tell me what they’re thinking. Specifically:

“I don’t want to be with a black man, so much so that I’m going to put it on my online profile: no blacks!”

To be fair, they’re also thinking: “I don’t want to be with an Asian man, so much so that I’m going to put that on my profile as well: no Asians!”

Of course, not all gay man are that rude and blunt. Some of them are thoughtful enough, or is that clever enough, to realize, “I don’t want to say aloud I don’t want to be with blacks or Asians, so I’m going to put it in my profile that I want to be with whites and Latins only!”

Now, to be even fairer, that’s not the way everyone online thinks. Some are deeper than that. They realize they also like Middle Eastern men (as long as they’re not black). So they’ll put in their profiles: “Looking for Whites, Latins, and Middle Eastern men.”

In defense of being gay and a racist

Recently, I had (yet another) visceral reaction to an online profile with that exact phrasing. I messaged the guy with something like, “why don’t you just say, no niggers, be much easier.”

The profile belonged to a fierce white queen who came out all Full Metal Jacket on me, telling me to get off my pillar.

If I’m on a pillar it’s because I’m trying to say it loud enough: it hurts my feelings!

He then began the song and dance about, what if I don’t like fat people, redheads, old people, you going to call me, a what…?

So I came back with: none of those people have been enslaved in this country, or written into the United States Constitution as less than human. Their freedom hasn’t been the cause of a Civil War where half the country wanted to keep them enslaved, and is still fighting to keep black lives from mattering.

He came back with… Nothing… Got nothing…

What was that? Excuse me? Say something?

Here’s a good rule for the road of life: if someone or something hurts your feelings, tell them.

They can explain it away with their own twisted logic, but at the end of that song and dance, if your feelings are still hurt, your feelings are still hurt, which leaves them two options:

  1. Take the road called “I Don’t Give a Fuck Boulevard,” and good luck navigating that one in your brain.
  2. Or, they can chose to see things in a different light, to see that their actions have consequences, intended and unintended, and that they can do better, be better, live better.

How to be a better racist

Even if you do have prejudices, why advertise them? Why put up such a big ole sign that shows how insensitive and thoughtless you are? (Saying those things makes you very unattractive, by the way).

Why not take the time to individually reject those you find undesirable by simply saying, “I’m sorry, we’re not a match. :-)”

You’ll come off as a much kinder and more sensitive person (which is a very attractive look), and who knows, it may actually rub off on you!

For the record: I, too, am a human sponge, and I, too, have my prejudices and preferences, but I would never put them on a billboard for the entire world to deal with!!

That’s the least you can do to play your part in making the world a better place: refrain from showing your ignorance and putting up signs that hurt people’s feelings.

The most you could do is examine where your prejudices come from and be more open minded about who you fuck and fall in love with.

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